Transphobia & Sex

flat,800x800,075,f.u1RAPE is nonconsensual – a heinous act that occurs when someone is forced, coerced, or manipulated into sexual acts through a spectrum of violent and traumatic ways that rip their agency and sense of identity and safety and sanity away from them. If you have consented to having sex or a sexual encounter with someone, and so have they, and then during the act you realize for whatever reason their GENITALIA DOESNT MATCH WHAT YOU EXPECTED AND IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE – the first thing you need to ask yourself is “why does this make me so uncomfortable?” and if you are feeling uneasy or uncomfortable with your situation “how can I proceed to communicate my feelings in a calm, graceful, and open way to the person I am with?”. You should not ever think it is okay to blame a trans person for making you feel violent due to their identity and body alone. That is YOU feeling uncomfortable because of the way YOU think.

Bottom fucking line is that trans people are exposed to violence ALL the time in life and we have a hard enough time as it is navigating the world and our own bodies, and our intimate relationships are a whole can of worms in their own. What WE need from people is for them to understand how to protect us, understand us, and understand that if their response to our gender identity and our bodies is one of violence, that is an issue with THEM and THEIR insecurities and NOT ours. I hope I am making myself extremely clear.
Accusing trans people of being rapists because *surprise* their genitals aren’t what you expected is nuts, it is ignorant, and furthermore it denotes the important of defining rape under terms that actually serve to contextualize rape in a way that is helpful to survivors of rape. And furthermore, if you are a person who has completely failed to educate yourself on queer/gender/trans politics and theory and you’re sitting the fuck at home behind a screen wondering if finding a “P” where you thought there was gonna be a “V” or vice versa, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. Go educate yourself on consent, queer theory, and while you’re at it, fucking expand on the close-minded hetero normative ideas you hold about what intimacy is, PERIOD.
That is fucking all.

Rowan Katz

 


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